A comment about rambling on Megan's post about authenticity and redefinition deeply resonated with me. I realised "rambling" is exactly what I've been doing the last few years. And it's been an absolute joy!
I know it's not the modern Western way, but I don't have much of a plan for my life! When I was a practicing life coach, I was great at setting myself clear goals – and encouraged clients and friends to do likewise! But whenever I set myself a plan of action, I often found it turning into a mountain of "shoulds". And "shoulds" drain my energy and create resistance, and usually I would end up abandoning the plan. And what was worse, the abandonment was often unconscious, and brought a resulting feeling of shame with it.
But over the last few years I've paid more attention to the fundamental intentions underlying my various goals. And I've found the specific goals shifting and evolving at such a fast rate, that I just can't take them too seriously anymore. And since I've stopped tying myself to various targets (and especially conventional goals) I've felt less pressure, stress and anxiety about where it is I'm going.
Instead, I find myself more and more open to allowing things to unfold, and trusting that they're all happening perfectly for me. That's not to say that I don't still want various outcomes at different times. I most certainly do! But somehow I'm managing to not become too attached, or to eventually release my attachments, and allow what I want for myself to evolve.
It's been a surprising journey to say the least. But it's been wonderful too. I'm really enjoying my life. I don't have alot of the conventional securities that almost everyone I know has, or indeed much of a structure to my life.
I do still have dreams and desires, and I am pursuing them according to what feels right in the moment, for as long as it feels right to do so. And when a shift kicks in and it starts to feel like I need to take a detour, I take it. Sometimes that detour still takes me towards the same destination (just in a more roundabout way), and sometimes it leads me in a whole new direction.
So what! I've learned to stop worrying about where I'll end up. Because there's simply no way of knowing! Even if I had a rigid plan that I sticked to consistently, day in day out, there'd be no guarantee I'd end up in the place where I expected to be. Our lives can change, beyond complete recognition, in a heartbeat.
Everytime I catch myself beginning to become embroiled in the whole business of conventional expectations, I remind myself of this irrefutable truth. And it returns me to a place of peace and restores my ability to trust that where I am is exactly where I'm meant to be.
My over-riding, non-changing desires for my life are based around states of being. Being happy, being centred in the energy of love, being connected to others, being in abundance, being at peace. And none of these states require achieving any specific targets. Having-ness will result in the ways that are best aligned with and best support the states of being I create for myself.
Some of those outcomes will resemble the people and things I consciously chose, and some of them will be complete surprises. Some of those outcomes will come easily, and some will come after I let go of suffering of my own creation (from being too attached to how things come about).
While I hope that for the most part I find the path easy enough, I accept there will be rough patches along the way. I have no idea where I'm going, or how I'm going to get there. I'm sticking with my clear intentions of how I want to 'be' in this world, but my only 'plan' (for now!) is to continue rambling my way through life.