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To dispel misery, change your mind

Just like our happiness, our misery is an internal state of being.  That is to say, it is caused by what’s going on in our minds, and not what’s going on in our world.

It doesn’t generally feel like that – I know!  But truly, it is.  You might be feeling upset about something that’s happened, or about someone else’s behaviour, but you are not feeling upset because of it.  The because is down to what you’ve been thinking about the situation.

For example, somebody does something you consider to be bad form, and consequently you feel angry or hurt.  What are you thinking while you’re feeling angry?  You’re thinking negative, critical thoughts.  Probably, you’re attaching a meaning to the other person’s behaviour.  If she cared about/respected me she wouldn’t have done this.  Which leads to the conclusion, she doesn’t respect me!

But this is just a thought!  And thoughts are not facts.  Just because you think this explains the other person’s behaviour doesn’t mean you’re right.  And if you can let go of the meaning you’ve attached to it, your upset will dispel – like magic!

It’s so very tempting (and much easier) to hold onto being right and making the other person wrong.  But it’s soooo bad for your health –  on all levels.  To let go of your misery, let go of the meaning you’ve attached to the situation.

How do you do this?  Ask yourself some questions:

In what way am I judging this person?

Can I absolutely know that my judgement is right?

Does it serve me well to hold onto this judgement?

Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?

 

Posted in Attitude, Happiness, Personal Development

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