This entire journey, that we call life, is all about love! When you are full of love, you simply are happy. When you are full of fear, you are very unhappy.
Every thought, feeling and action, at its very core, is motivated either out of love or out of fear. When somebody feels angry, they are frightened of something. When somebody “wrongs” another, they are frightened of something. When somebody thinks something negative (about themselves, a situation or someone else) they are frightened of something.
Often that fear is not obvious to the person experiencing it, let alone to others affected by it. But it is there nonetheless and it is the underlying motivation for their behaviour.
The important thing to know and remember about fear, is that it is an energy. And the opposite of fear is love, which is also energy. And we can fill ourselves up with either energy. We can choose to do this consciously, or we can allow ourselves to be filled up unconsciously (a mistake – it often goes the way of fear!)
If you want to live a life that is free of anger, frustration, sadness, resentment or any other emotional pain, consciously centre yourself in the energy of love. Set the intention, every day, to be centred in love. And when you find yourself in the grip of anger, or other highly charged, negative emotions, ask yourself “what am I afraid of?” When you identify the fear, it’s easier to let go of the emotion and re-centre yourself in Love.
The things we fear are usually external – we fear that we’re going to lose our job, our home, all our money, someone we love. And we mistakenly think that if we can hold onto these things – these external things – that we will be ok. But love (and happiness) are internal states of being. You need to remind yourself, whenever the fear rises up – this person or thing is not the source of my love or my happiness, I am! Remind yourself of this and take some deep breaths, while reaffirming it several times: I am the source of my love and my happiness.
I’m not going to pretend that it is easy, or that I have mastered the art of self-love. (I am on the same journey!) But it is the only way. You can distract yourself temporarily by attaching your sense of love or happiness to a person, thing or circumstance, but it won’t be lasting or be truly fulfilling. For authentic love and happiness, you have to fill yourself up with it, so that it spills out of you spontaneously, and is reflected back to you. You have to fill yourself up each and every day!
How to do that? Well, if I could only bottle that solution!! But try this -
Loving Kindness Meditation
Start or end each day with a meditation from the Buddhist tradition. Sit comfortably, with your eyes closed and place your attention on your Heart Centre. Starting with yourself, breathe in Loving Kindess. As you breathe out direct that loving energy to yourself and others by reciting out loud, or silently:
- May I be well, May I be happy, May I be peaceful, May I be loved
- (bringing someone to mind who has helped you or someone you care for) May you be well, May you be happy, May you be peaceful, May you be loved
- (bringing a neutral person in your life to mind – someone you neither like nor dislike) May you be well, May you be happy, May you be peaceful, May you be loved
- (bringing to mind someone you’re experiencing difficulties with) May you be well, May you be happy, May you be peaceful, May you be loved
- May all beings everywhere be well, May all beings be happy, May all beings be peaceful, May all beings be loved.
I like this youtube video, which is a good guide for beginners.